How would the forums cope with a Zombie outbreak?
 

Reecently i bought a copy of the survival/satire book The Zombie Survival Guide by Max Brooks, despite the obviousness of the humour side. I must admit the ideas for fighting undead are quite sensible should the situation ever pop up. I felt a need to disscuss survival tips with you guys.

So lets imagine for a moment, the undead have arisen, you don't have long to act, and all we have is each other. How would we, the family that is DS.com forums survive the war against the undead, and then rebuild civilisation in our image? What steps should we take should the end of the world come upon us? :P

I'd give Ross a crucifix to shake at the Zombies. Probably wouldn't work but while they're eating him they're, at least, not eating the rest of us.

I'd probably get Ben to rock out somewhere and then we could all get chainsaws and go all DOOM on their ass.

Or hedge-clippers.

ROFL. RV is in charge in the event of a zombie attack.

Thankee for this honour, Danny.

Um, you realise while ben is rocking more and more will converge on our location :P

That's why we have Chainsaws. When Ben is rocking out, we get super powers. We attract all the metalhead zombies to one place and take a bloodbath.

If worst comes to worst, we can get Ben to play some Simple Plan to scare them away. But that is an absolute last measure. Imagine Hiroshima with an Emo fringe.

Shaun of the Dead pub fight scene to Queen ftw.

Ok, how would you use the chainsaws, once the zombies start getting close, more and more will, especially with loud noises, not only are chainsaws noisy, they require a lot of power you need to carry around :P, i say you carry a sharp weapon and slice them to bits, or chuck acid over them :P, or use someone as a diversion

FYI: Chainsaws = sharp.

http://www.lirpa.de/pic/lirpa_06.jpg

DA-DA DA-DA-DA DA DA-DA-DA-DAAA

That works fine :P

and Chainsaws are shite for defending against zombies, they are sharp yes, but they are nosy, lose power quickly, and you might find by the time you have dispatched the group with it, 10 times that many are close by :P so if you want to do that, fine, i will be looking for the most isolated place on earth to Hunker down in ;)

It's Vampires you shake crucifixes at, RV.

I wouldn't be surprised if you shook crucifixes at everything. Every time I post you're probably sitting there, trying to get God to smite me down...

I wouldn't be surprised if you have something like this hanging up on your wall:

http://img474.imageshack.us/img474/2931/lolrosspf8.jpg

Hang on, that sounded out of order there RV. Ross is correct, according to lore, Vampies can be killed by a cricifix. RV, what you said was bang out of order. I understand Ross is religious, yes sometimes he should chill out, bit what you said was not appropriate. >:( I suggest you take back what you said and say sorry. The fact you even made pictures is just goung over the top terribly. That is a deliberate and very stupid insult, and i am ashamed you have come out with it. Despite the fact ross has taken things seriously at times, we never said what you did, he made a valid and true point, one whch i can back up. I request you say sorry right now or i will remove the offensive material and report you at once. I am shocked to see even you have done this, and I had hoped we all could be more respectful.

ROFLMFAO. RV, that may have been the single greatest work of art I have ever had the fortune of being exposed to in my brief span on this world. Thank you for making my day just that much better. :D

Danny! I am shocked and suprised at you! I know we all took the mick out of ross at some point, But this out out of order! What on earth are you doing! RV is clearly abusing his privilages! I thought this site was for anyone of any walk fo life, and here you are laughing and supporting the bullying of Ross! I am shocked and upset by your stance. :( I thought you would be more accepting. :( what on earth are you doing!

I'm sorry I've had such an effect on you, as this material was intended to be humorous. Normally, I would respect the request of a staff member to take the offending material down, except:

I'm actually providing a service for you guys. I make the forum entertaining for Danny, and in return Danny doesn't become an emo kid and take the forum down! It's a win-win situation!

I loved the post. You heard RV -- he didn't mean it seriously. I'm surprised he actually had to make that clear... I thought it was extremely obvious myself. You guys take things way too seriously. :(

It's called satire, my friend. I'm not so much making fun of Ross as I am making fun of his beliefs. I'm sure if he can come up with something showing how 'stupid' science and/or atheism is, Danny wouldn't stop him.

Indeed not. In fact I have been waiting a long time to hear something like that from Ross. Up to now, he has left me waiting.

Excuse me? I was simply trying to ensure a fellow member was not offended by this, RV, i understand your an admin, but there are times where you must trying to avoiud cutting it close, yes we all have taken the mick out of Ross, but i feel you did take it too far, i took it seriously because im not going to see another arguement break out. If you intende3d it to be funny, then a smiley like this :P or :D would have been required, to make sure we all got it. or (joke ) in brackets, i still believe you take this down before Ross sees this, or he will be upset. I am taking tyhis seriously because i am nto gong to see this forum fall into trouble, i;ve bene there a lot longer then you RV, and i hope you respect that i am more familiar with how this place is run. You don;t just ,ake this entertaining for danny, you should do so for all of us,

Quite frankily, i am suprised at your conduct here, and i wish you would just take it down so we can avouid further trouble. If it is satire, then please make it more clear, I do struggle to notivce these signbals, and a mroe clear indication would be accepted, as Ross in all fairness would be upset, Danny should know this better then anyone.

If that member is offended, please let him tell us for himself. Then appropriate action will be taken.

RV is not an admin, and never has been. I don't know where you're getting this from. He used to be a moderator, but those days are long over. He was never an admin.

I disagree. RV should not have to cater to people with no sense of humor to mark off things that are and aren't jokes. As I told you via PM, sarcasm is a deliberate form of humor where it is not explicitly stated that the content is humorous, which is what helps the content to be funny in the first place. Ruining that would ruin the fun.

I've learned never to be surprised by RV's conduct. :P

But at the same time, I don't think it needs to be toned down. In fact, I had no idea RV was such an artist -- I would like to see more of this type artwork from him if possible. :D

I am still suprised we are not taking care with this. I recall years ago i made a comment i did not mean to be offensive, and which Nax and Bob and you gave me some stick before i came clean. If RV did mean to be funny, then i still tihnk he needs to try to make it clear, even if ti is just a disclamer. I can;t read sarcasm very well, and if you lot have research Aspergers syndrome you will see why. I simply ant to avoid trouble. If i am to be told off for simply doing my job as a mod on these forums, then fine, im just trying to keep some sense of dignity here. I hope at least you can see wherr I am coming from.

I can indeed understand your motivations, and they are not in question. However here is a new general rule -- never take anything RV says seriously. :P

Extending the theme of the thread slightly, here's how our front line of defence would cope with an alien attack:

http://filexoom.com/files/2006/12/17/49066/rv.png

Marinedalek, we are on about zombies, not aliens :p

I do try to avoid taking RV's comments too seriously, but there can be too much of a good thing.

Marinedalek! I'm surprised that you could act in such an immature and... er... well, just immature way. I thought this forum was supposed to be a happy place where I could freely worship Satan and take the piss out of... things, but you've gone too far!

How dare you insult my intelligence! I'm not stupid enough to insult people with a gun unless I'm holding a bigger one or behind a forcefield. I'm going to be writing a letter to your superiors explicitly requesting you step down.

Such abuse of your privileges! I never thought I'd see the day...

<locks RV in a cryotube where he will be frozen for 10,000 years> :P

Aw, no! I don't wanna be in a world without RV! :P

I recall you would have said this about me one time ;) Lets just say Rv will be kept safe, i just need to remove 10% of his brain ;)

I dont even own a crucifx RV, so why dont you cut down on the crucifix references.

Also Danny, I am offended but I dont even know why im bothering to tell you that. You don't care.

I spoke to Danny personally about it Ross, he saw my point, the arguement is dead and buried, lets wash all our hands of it and just move on. We are trying to contain a zombie outbreak, and if we can't stop arguing ourselves, then munaity will lose it's last hope ;)

Do what they did in Resident Evil and nuke the place.

Nukes would be a bit of a double ended sword, the explosion would vapourise any within the blast radius, but we need to be aware that XZombies can soak up radiation and then spreas it, causing more damage, and a radioactive zombie would be much worse then a standard undead ;) plus we render an area unhabitable.

That means you're going to HELL.

But don't worry, I imagine you're versatile. As long as you can shake it in the name of the Lord, you will.

How To Solve Problems: The Religious Way by Recurringus Villainus (last revision was in 4 AD so you can trust it, don't worry.)

Problem: Car wont start.

Solution: Shake the keys at the ignition and pray.

Problem: You are about to get beaten up by a gang of chavs.

Solution: Yell verses from the Bible at them. Doesn't matter if they're relevant.

Problem: You don't have enough money to pay for gas.

Solution: Pray for extra money and wait until enough money has come falling from the sky. May take several centuries (because God is a very busy superbeing. Nothing at all to do with probability.).

Problem: Girlfriend breaks up with you.

Solution: Stone her to death.

Problem: You meet an atheist.

Solution: You do what we do. You run. I've seen an atheist punch through brick walls...

Problem: You've lost all your money betting on the races.

Solution: Good time for a pilgrimage to a third-world country.

LOL! Those are just genius! :D