[Ronnie Rowlands]

Ladies and gentlemen, bear with me. Bear with
me please. Don't stop bearing with me for a few
moments. I have a vision, a vision of Britain. I see
a country peopled by ... a country peopled by
people who, who ... people it with charm, with
grace, yes even with greatness. As they people it,
they enhance it with their lightness, their amusing
accents, their v-neck sweaters and their unusual
children.

This country shall be free and wide and
pretty, and their people shall be free and wide and
pretty. And there shall be villages and towns and
family amusement theme heritage fun parks which
shall smell of urine and vomit.

And there shall be
twelve water and sewage businesses and leisure
dromes and huge edge-of-town crematoriums
and day-glo bermuda shorts which are flecked
with urine and vomit. I see "Impact" as a new kind
of flexible high-yield convenient cash and care
card for the kind of person you are today and I
hear the sound of many thousands of miles of
motorways, conveniently filled with many hundreds
of thousands of cars whose seats are stained with
children and urine and vomit. And the interior of
the cars shall be sweaty and hot and bad-tempered
and the queue for the exit that leads to the family
amusement heritage theme fun park shall be
hundreds of miles long.

And there shall be shiny
magazines out of which will fall many dozens
of smaller shiny magazines which shall offer
useful electronic golfing equipment and wall safes
disguised as three pin sockets and bright security
lamps and personal attack alarms and hand
freshen-up absorbent pads to soak up the urine
and the vomit. And the faces of the people who
are peopling this Britain shall be shiny and they
shall be flushed and pink for they shall know that
they are forging a new Britain of fun and heritage
and family leisure amusement and the boot of their
car shall easily accomodate the self-assembly fun
park that they shall erect in their bathrooms.

As
yet, it is all only a vision, a vision of family heritage
urine and fun leisure amenity vomit. But soon,
soon, with luck, sincerity and steadfast voting it
may become a reality.