Sounds a bit too Yamaha-ish for me. Good impression though.
(I never heard your first version so I can't compare the two)
Edit: Actually No! It reminds me of the original style of music seen....heard in Metal Gear Solid (1) (by Tappy, among numerous others). It's not so bad!
Edit II: It wasn't Tappy (she did the main theme). But it still reminds me of some of the BGM from MGS.