[Jez]

WE'RE WINNER.

We've cracked it! It's quite a rigmarole to get the perks but it works!
It requires:

- An automatic gun of any sort. We found the M16 assault rifle gave the best results, although the good old AK47 gives almost equal results for those working to a budget.
- A DJ (we tried out the Pete Tong model of DJ but it went.....Pete Tong! Best to stick to either the Paul Van Dyk (german efficiency) or the Marco V models)
- A cowbell (otherwise there's no source!)
- Any substance that allows one to step into another dimension (for this aspect, all of our test subjects kinda lost it so we have no recommendation for this - best advice is to let your budget decide)
- A huge period of FPS multiplaying. We think the minimum is 34 hours although for best results, we recommend 57 hours. Any game will suffice, although naturally, America's Army, any Battlefield game or perhaps some CS will work. For advice on how to use CS to it's best, consult your FPS_Doug manuals.
- A piece of paper; plain (white) is best.
- A period of sunny weather. Australia, central Africa or certain parts of China are best for this. We recommend either of the first two because anything word that begins with "A" is more trustworthy.
- A random person. Any will do although those with a short temper or who have been convicted of murder/manslaughter are ideal.
- A small room. One with walls on all sides is best.
- Nothing else. We recommend thin-air for this. A vaccuum can be used but survival rates are very low for this method.

Instructions: Do what you wish with the above.