I'm impressed, Ronn. I didn't realize writing was among your numerous talents!
However there is one part that I find a little... off, and that's this line here:
Originally Posted by Ronnie Rowlands
I saw Abby walk out of the school gates, towards a boy. About 19 years old, pale face, dark hair, he looks like he uses drugs!
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I'm sorry, but how can he
look like he uses drugs? I find that often times the downtrodden-looking kids are the ones that have a relative sense of integrity and stay away from drugs, and it's the more normal ones that rely on them. But even then, it seems very stereotypical to just say "19, pale face, dark hair -- HE'S A DRUG USER!!!"
Other than that, what you have so far is excellent, and I look forward to reading more.