Nice work on this one. I love the accuracy of it, but I suppose I would considering it came from my template.
Couple of thoughts.
I like the bassline. It's a little offbeat and different, but that's fine. I think it works well.
The melody on the other hand I'm not sold on. I think it would work better with something lighter, and with some glide on it. It pains me to hear the "oo-ee-oo" not bend.
I'd also consider making some changes to the structure or at least some of the components. I did specifically tell you that this template was to educate you and not necessarily meant to be used as the basis for a theme, but you're using it that way anyway. That's fine, but I would consider (for example) taking out the repeated emphasis notes at the end of the bridge. I just wanted to show you that that's what the Derbyshire theme did. It doesn't necessarily mean that that sort of thing is always appropriate in a follow-up mix.
You also might want to shorten it a bit. I find (after a few years of work, mind you) that simpler themes work better when they're short. Either vary things up a bit, or cut the theme in half. (Assuming you're going to cut it, I'd cut it right before the bassline pause in the middle of the theme.)
Anyway, just some thoughts. I'm at work here so forgive me for not being a bit more in-depth. But let me know if you want more advice or have questions. As always, I am happy to help.