[Ben Dawson]

It kinda sounds disjointed and disconcerting. I liked some aspects of it, but I didn't really take to the second melody sound you used (the really tinny one). The timing of the melody also seemed very off, it fitted out of place over the bassline. It sounded like you were racing to punch in out as fast as you could.

I agree that the sound levels are way off (my mum just complained that she couldn't hear the telly 'cos it was that loud), but I think for the main part, it was due to a very minimalistic feel that it had due to the lack of much instrumentation used. If you were going for a minimilistic style then it would have worked, but the strings at the beginning suggest a fuller sounding piece, then the strings fall out and it just leaves the theme falling flat afterwards.

Now, others may disagree here, but I think it would make it sound much more atmospheric if you used more reverb, especially towards the end.

The scream seemed pretty cut off at the beginning, as well as too quiet and trebley, I suggest getting maybe a different sample of the scream which sounds louder and more appropiate.

A similar problem is the end, the last notes seemed to be punched out as fast as possible as well. I can tell you're a young musician because of your troubles with tempo and sense of timing, but please dont take that as an insult, 'cos I'm a young musician (albeit, a one who's studying music at college) and I and many other suffer from the same issue.
I think if you held the final note a little longer, it would seem much less rushed.

That's pretty much all I can think of right now, if I think of anymore, I shall let you know. But don't be too put off, I like the concept and the basic arrangement, it just seems rough around the edges. I really think if you want it sounding its fullest, it is well worth working on.