Joke thread

[Danny Stewart]

Ah, yes, sweet normality, where your posts, Ben, are the most annoying ones we have to deal with.

[Ben Dawson]

which would be heaven compared with recent ones.

[Danny Stewart]

Absolutely.

[Recurring Villain]

Ben, at least, knows one or two full words

[Ben Dawson]

yes, one of them quite longer than a lot of others, "Exterminate!!!".

[Jez]

There is a dangerous virus being passed electronically, orally and by hand.

This virus is called Worm-Overload-Recreational-Killer (WORK). If you receive WORK from any of your colleagues, your boss or anyone else via any means DO NOT TOUCH IT.

This virus will wipe out your private life completely. If you should come into contact with WORK put your jacket on and take 2 good friends to the nearest pub.

Purchase the antidote known as Work-Isolator-Neutraliser-Extractor (WINE).
The quickest acting WINE type is called Swift-Hitting-Infiltrator-Remover-All-Zones (SHIRAZ) but this is only available for those who can afford it, the next best equivalent is Cheapest-Available-System-Killer (CASK). Take the antidote repeatedly until WORK has been completely eliminated from your system.

Forward this warning to 5 friends. If you do not have 5 friends you have already been infected and WORK is controlling your life.

This virus is DEADLY (Destroys-Every-Available-Decent-Living-Youngster).

Updated 21-05-06: After extensive testing it has been concluded that Best-Equivalent-Extractor-Remedy (BEER) may be substituted for WINE but may require a more generous application

[Danny Stewart]

Nice, Jez.

[Jez]

Haha, thanks. My uncle sent me that one.

[Sam Davies]

Clever! Did he make it up.

[Jez]

Nah, I think he just got it from one of his work pals, who themselves, probably found it on a website. Wish I knew the site though, lol.

[Sam Davies]

You should try www.Laughnet.net It's greatloads of funny one liners and those nursery rhymes that are made up. Danny do I have you rpermission to tell one with a bit of a 'Naughty' word in it.

[Danny Stewart]

Absolutely, go right ahead.

A smart blond and a dumb blond jump off a cliff who hits the floor first?
the dumb blond because smart blonds don't exist.

[Danny Stewart]

Daryl, you triple posted the above jokes -- that is against the forum rules. If you have more to post, add it to your original post instead of making a new one.

[Ben Dawson]

in Daryl's defense, the beginning of this thread clearly say NOT to post threads FULL of jokes, so if there's anymore, what was supposed to have been done?

[Danny Stewart]

Either edit the post, or wait till others have been posted. There is no way around it, and please don't challenge something I say like that again.

[Danny Stewart]

No problem. Forum rules override what it may say in any individual thread though, so keep that in mind.

[Jez]

To clarify, I made that rule for this thread with regards to lengthy jokes (several paragraphs). Shorter jokes can be posted in the same post.

[Ronnie Rowlands]

Jez said: " split them up using something like a row of lines (dashes)"

*sigh*

[Jez]

An English doctor is being shown around a Scottish hospital. At the end of his visit, he is shown into a ward with a number of patients who show no obvious signs of injury. He goes to examine the first patient he sees, and the man proclaims:

"Fair fa' yer honest, sonsie face,
Great chieftain o' the puddin' race!"

The English doctor, somewhat taken aback, goes to the next patient, and immediately the patient launches into:

"Some hae meat and canna eat,
And some wad eat that want it."

This continues with the next patient:

"Wee sleekit cow'rin tim'rous beastie,
O what a panic's in thy breastie!"

"Well," the English doctor mutters to his Scottish colleague, "I see you saved the psychiatric ward for the last."

"Oh no," the Scottish doctor corrected him, "this is the serious Burns unit."