"Eccleston Fucks Shit Up"

DefinitelyNotMurraysITGuy · #1 May 18, 2008, 6:24 PM

I'm trying to get a script accepted to the Doctor Who Audio Dramas. I've gone through about 40 already. All were rejected because I can't write for shit.
Link to the DWADs main webpage:http://www.dwad.net/
Here's what I'll be submitting:

Doctor Who
Eccleston Fucks Shit Up
By Russell T Davies

Summary of Precredits Scene

------------------

Eccleston arrives in a random African village for an indeterminate reason. Seeing the general happiness of the people around him, he pulls an M16 with grenade launcher attatchment from the TARDIS armoury, running over a passing nun in his 4x4. "I'm gonna fuck shit up!" he declares before driving into the village and sending women and old people screaming in terror as pieces of white hot metal rain down toward them, hitting them in various parts of their bodies and causing their flesh to explode outward in a firework display of BLOOD.
Eccleston pins a random child down under the wheel of his 4x4. He gets out and inspects the child, who is trapped but still alive and in agonising pain. "I would put you out of your misery," he tells the child, "but I'm a fucking psycho." Eccleston then shoots the young African orphan in the head over and over. His skull cracked and the flesh exploded outward, covering Eccleston and the surrounding orphans in blood and skull fragments. His head rapidly collapsed in on itself as the childs screams became less and less frequent. "NOW," said Eccleston, "BET YOU WISH YOU STILL HAD AIDS, HUH?!?"
Eccleston then lines the surviving orphans up against a mud hut. Eccleston then fires round after round into the lines of screaming children lined up with their backs against the mud hut.
"AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!" says Eccleston.
Suddenly Paul McGann appears from nowhere. "But Eccleston!," said McGann, "these orphans didn't have AIDS! YOU HAVE AIDS!"
Close zoom on Eccleston's surprised face
NYEEEEEEEEEODUMDEDUMDUMDEDUM

Episode One: Putting the Roar Back in â€˜HOLY SHIT DUDE I'M GONNA CUT YOU'
Episode Two: I BANGED YOUR WIFE LAST NIGHT
Episode Three: THEN I KILLED HER AND DUMPED HER BODY IN SOME DENSE WOODLAND NEAR YOUR HOME
----

Well, cross your fingers. I hope it gets accepted.

~MG

Recurring Villain · #2 May 18, 2008, 6:31 PM

I'm at a loss for words. That was pure perfection.

Superkid11 · #3 May 18, 2008, 6:33 PM

That was horrible and disturbing. So much so it rolled way past the wall of terribleness and became awesome.

Ronnie Rowlands · #4 May 19, 2008, 1:21 AM

No italics? No underlining? No hyperextended words? I'm sorry but it sucks.

What other titles have you written btw?

DefinitelyNotMurraysITGuy · #5 May 19, 2008, 7:05 AM

Originally Posted by Ronnie Rowlands

No italics? No underlining? No hyperextended words? I'm sorry but it sucks.

What other titles have you written btw?

I am the author of such acclaimed and widely recognised titles as "Dr Who and the Massacre of the Peaceful Alien Dignitaries Who Were Probably Communists Anyway" and "The Daleks Finally Exterminate The Doctor But Because He Sold His Soul To Satan In 1996 To Bring The Show Back Which Didn't Even Work Goddamit It But Anyway Because He Sold His Soul He Comes Back As A Zombie And Begins A Vengeful Spree Of Total Destruction Where He Eats Many Gooey Dalek Brains. Mmm; Sweet Sweet Dalek Brains" for BBC Quick Reads; "Sylvester McCoy Realises He Is Actually A Vampire And Begins To Feel A HUNGER, A Hunger For BLOOD; Leading Him To Drain The Blood Of All His Companions In An Insane Bloodlustful Feeding Frenzy Of Destruction" for Virgin New Adventures; and "Voyage of the Damned".

Ronnie Rowlands · #6 May 19, 2008, 7:10 AM

Hmm, quite good. By widely acclaimed I assume you mean your grandma told you they were good when she tucked you in?

DefinitelyNotMurraysITGuy · #7 May 19, 2008, 7:11 AM

Originally Posted by Ronnie Rowlands

Hmm, quite good. By widely acclaimed I assume you mean your grandma told you they were good when she tucked you in?

No. Your Grandma told me they were good when she tucked me in.

Ronnie Rowlands · #8 May 19, 2008, 7:13 AM

PS, it's not an attempt at wit but a pisstake of the fact that James P Quick gets tucked in by his Grandma. Have you heard back from DWAD?

Recurring Villain · #9 May 19, 2008, 7:25 AM

Originally Posted by DefinitelyNotMurraysITGuy

No. Your Grandma told me they were good when she tucked me in.

ZING.

Originally Posted by Ronnie Rowlands

PS, it's not an attempt at wit but a pisstake of the fact that James P Quick gets tucked in by his Grandma.

Captain Obvious called, wanted me to pass on that you don't have to explain the joke.

DefinitelyNotMurraysITGuy · #10 May 19, 2008, 7:29 AM

Originally Posted by Ronnie Rowlands

PS, it's not an attempt at wit but a pisstake of the fact that James P Quick gets tucked in by his Grandma. Have you heard back from DWAD?

Yeah, their reply was "You sick, sick fuck. What made you think of this shit? You and every other being in this DIMENSION will PERIIIISHHHH! And that ARMAGGGEEEEDDDDDOOOONNN will be through MEEEEEEEE!!"

Ross Hendrie · #11 May 19, 2008, 12:34 PM

Originally Posted by Recurring Villain

Captain Obvious called, wanted me to pass on that you don't have to explain the joke.

I wish he'd stopped by, the legend that he is.

Superkid11 · #12 May 19, 2008, 12:42 PM

OBVIOUS... PAAWWNCHHH

Jamie Minty · #13 May 19, 2008, 1:22 PM

+1 for this threads' brilliance.

I love those episode titles, but not Voyage of The Damned.

Josef Kenny · #14 May 19, 2008, 1:32 PM

Originally Posted by Jamie Minty

+1 for this threads' brilliance.

WTF! What are you thinking? I'm giving this thread at least +50, maybe even +70.

Originally Posted by Jamie Minty

I love those episode titles, but not Voyage of The Damned.

Yeah, it's a crap name isn't it?

Superkid11 · #15 May 19, 2008, 1:35 PM

I've never found out where it is these points go.

Josef Kenny · #16 May 19, 2008, 1:50 PM

Originally Posted by Superkid11

I've never found out where it is these points go.

There's one of those pipes that goes 'woosh' somewhere and Murray picks it out and eats it.

Jamie Minty · #17 May 19, 2008, 2:17 PM

Originally Posted by Rat Souffle

I'm giving this thread at least +50, maybe even +70.

I believed there was a maximum of 1 point per quote.

If any of you are on OG (DWForum) then check out this thread where someone believes that Doc 7 is in one of the paintings in TUATW.

SO many photoshopped pics. Its very funny. . . . but not as great as this thread obviously.

James P. · #18 May 19, 2008, 4:20 PM

......... I am soooooooooooooo not part of this forum anymore. This is just what is wrong with soceity. You can't be nice so to make up for it you take nastiness to the extreme. Why must this happen to me? Yeah, by the way, I don't get tucked in by my grandmother, that would be dumb. But I bet Ronnie Rowlands and Recurring Villain rape theirs! Sickos. Ugh, I really need to be better on choosing which forums I join because I didn't know this one was so d*mn evil!

Jamie Minty · #19 May 19, 2008, 4:36 PM

Evil is a bit of an extremity. You just need to look past it and then you can have fun here.

Superkid11 · #20 May 19, 2008, 4:41 PM

Originally Posted by Jamie Minty

Evil is a bit of an extremity. You just need to look past it and then you can have fun here.

Exactly. However, I do suggest you leave... I have nothing against you personally but I think you'd be better off at a more lawful place than this.

And just because somebody happens to write awful gorey fiction and we pretend to like it doesn't mean they'd do any crap like that in real life, geeze.