You know you're a fundamentalist Christian when...

[Recurring Villain]

1 - You vigorously deny the existence of thousands of gods claimed by other religions, but feel outraged when someone denies the existence of yours.

2 - You feel insulted and "dehumanized" when scientists say that people evolved from other life forms, but you have no problem with the Biblical claim that we were created from dirt.

3 - You laugh at polytheists, but you have no problem believing in a triune God.

4 - Your face turns purple when you hear of the "atrocities" attributed to Allah, but you don't even flinch when hearing about how God/Jehovah slaughtered all the babies of Egypt in "Exodus" and ordered the elimination of entire ethnic groups in "Joshua" including women, children, and trees!

5 - You laugh at Hindu beliefs that deify humans, and Greek claims about gods sleeping with women, but you have no problem believing that the Holy Spirit impregnated Mary, who then gave birth to a man-god who got killed, came back to life and then ascended into the sky.

6 - You are willing to spend your life looking for little loopholes in the scientifically established age of Earth (few billion years), but you find nothing wrong with believing dates recorded by Bronze Age tribesmen sitting in their tents and guessing that Earth is a few generations old.

7 - You believe that the entire population of this planet with the exception of those who share your beliefs -- though excluding those in all rival sects - will spend Eternity in an infinite Hell of Suffering. And yet consider your religion the most "tolerant" and "loving."
8 - While modern science, history, geology, biology, and physics have failed to convince you otherwise, some idiot rolling around on the floor speaking in "tongues" may be all the evidence you need to "prove" Christianity.

9 - You define 0.01% as a "high success rate" when it comes to answered prayers. You consider that to be evidence that prayer works. And you think that the remaining 99.99% FAILURE was simply the will of God.

10 - You actually know a lot less than many atheists and agnostics do about the Bible, Christianity, and church history - but still call yourself a Christian.


Stolen from here.

[Ross Hendrie]

I thought we had all agreed to cut down on the mud slinging?

Any takers for closing this?

[MI7]

Originally Posted by Ross Hendrie

I thought we had all agreed to cut down on the mud slinging?

Any takers for closing this?

What mud slinging? You're more than welcome to attack Atheists if you wish. This isn't a personal attack and thus not against any of the rules...

Though, to be fair, if you are getting offended by a piece of satire over the internet you are indeed going some way towards proving a number of the statements correct.

[Danny Stewart]

Agreed with Tom. Not only was that post not a personal attack against anyone here, but your reaction to the post... well, let's just say you might want to reread the original post. See any parallels? Also, again as Tom said, feel free to create a thread bashing atheists. See if you can rival RV's sense of humor.

[Ross Hendrie]

This may not be a personal attack but it's clearly a bait thread designed to get me pissed.

[MI7]

Originally Posted by Ross Hendrie

This may not be a personal attack but it's clearly a bait thread designed to get me pissed.

Dude that's like saying you're the only Christian in existence...as if there are no other Christians on this site who could possibly be offended by it.

[Ross Hendrie]

Im not saying im the only Christian in existance, however RV seems to target me specifically because he knows im the only one who goes crazy. You really believe he didn't think id get annoyed by this thread before posting it?

[Danny Stewart]

He posted it for the sake of humor. It made Tom laugh. It made me laugh. Sorry if it offends you, but if you see the thread title and you think it might offend you, don't look. RV is perfectly within his rights to post this.

[Recurring Villain]

Originally Posted by Ross Hendrie

This may not be a personal attack but it's clearly a bait thread designed to get me pissed.

One could say it was intelligently designed, amirite? Or perhaps it just evolved? Nah, that's blasphemy.

Originally Posted by Ross Hendrie

...he knows im the only one who goes crazy.

You put the mental in fundamental. Haha, I'm on fire!

Originally Posted by Ross Hendrie

You really believe he didn't think id get annoyed by this thread before posting it?

I figured the ratio of those amused to those offended would be in my favor and that your easily predictable objections would create some new activity, which the DSF seem to have been lacking as of late

If you like, Ross, you can make a rebuttal. Here, I'll start it off for you:

You know you're an atheist when:

1 - You're so shallow you think new information is better than old information.

2 - You think that evolving from monkeys is more likely than being created by a trans-dimensional superbeing from dirt.

3 - And you don't think it was good.

4 - You speak to the devil on a regular basis.

5 - You think that creating the Sun after plants is backwards.

6 - You make human sacrifices.

7 - You speak in tongues.

[Ben Dawson]

human sacrifices? Oh crap.

[Superkid11]

You will realize what fools all of you are when the Flying Spaghetti Monster returns to us!

[Recurring Villain]

Originally Posted by Superkid11

You will realize what fools all of you are when the Flying Spaghetti Monster returns to us!

I have been touched by His Noodly Appendage.