"The Shadow Merger"

[James P.]

I'm trying to get a script accepted to the Doctor Who Audio Dramas. I've gone through about 4 already. All were rejected as scripts...
Link to the DWADs main webpage:http://www.dwad.net/
Here's what I'll be submitting:

Doctor Who
The Shadow Merger
By James P. Quick

Summary

------------------

Upon Moira’s request, the Doctor pilots the TARDIS to Chicago in the 1920s. Once there they are noticed immediately and everyone around them flees. Perplexed as to why, the two set out to look for answers. They soon are attacked by a group of seemingly insane kids.

The duo wake up in some sort of underground cell. Knocking on the door of the cell, the Doctor convinces the guard to let them out. The guard takes the Doctor to the leader, an alien named Kelvehee, who explains that he is the last of the Hpi (say it like ‘hippie’), a species of alien who lived on a planet stuck in 2 different dimensions. Energy coming from the other dimension, called Odolphea, effected the Hpis’ ancestor’s evolution, granting them god-like powers. Before they could cause any real damage to the rest of the universe, the Hpi accidentally destroyed themselves, excluding Kelvehee.

Kelvehee has been using his powers to wreak havoc on Chicago; unaware his disguise was identical in every way to the Doctor. The most fun ‘game’ to Kelvehee is to merge shadows together, which creates horrible mutants because the owners of the respected shadows merge to fit the shadow. The kids liked his ‘games’ and now submit only to him.

Moira notices that as he talks Kelvehee becomes lighter in color and more sickly looking. Then, when he exhales, his color returns to normal and is no longer sickly looking. As they are taken back to the cell, Moira mentions this to the Doctor saying that might be his weak spot. The guard hears this and wants to join, as he does not like submitting to Kelvehee any longer.

With some more kids joining later, the Doctor and Moira soon have a small group of rebels formed. They storm Kelvehee’s throne room. They quickly are captured and some even taken out of existence permanently! The Doctor and Moira are brought before the last Hpi and he tells the that they will be the latest players in the "Shadow Merging" game…

Episode One: Putting the Roar Back in ‘The Roaring 20’s’
Episode Two: Jailbreak
Episode Three: Extinction of the Hpi
----

Well, cross your fingers. I hope it gets accepted.

~JP

[James P.]

The DWADs are unofficial. Anyone can write for them. They are family-oriented, though, so no swearing or profanity if you submit anything. I really try hard to come up with good ideas, please do not be so scathing.

Cheers,
James

[James P.]

Please don't call me a f*cking retard. It hurts my feelings. Give one of their audios a listen if you have realplayer. I'd suggest anything from Object Permanence-The Christmas Conspiracy.
The newest episode of their 35th season Episode One of Hippocratic Oath is available at the bottom, I heard it on Thurs. and it's really good.

[I didn't sign my post, happy?]

[Danny Stewart]

In all honesty, aside from the names you've chosen (which are pretty bad), this wouldn't seem too out of place on the new series. See if you can come up with some better names and flesh it out a bit further. Also, your name for episode one is not only ridiculous, but it's way too long. Try just "The Roaring Twenties."

Originally Posted by James P.

*Sigh* So retarded...

One man's "retarded" is another man's genius. I actually thought his post was hilarious. That Waaaaambulance image was among the best he's ever posted.

[James P.]

Originally Posted by Danny Stewart

In all honesty, aside from the names you've chosen (which are pretty bad), this wouldn't seem too out of place on the new series. See if you can come up with some better names and flesh it out a bit further. Also, your name for episode one is not only ridiculous, but it's way too long. Try just "The Roaring Twenties."


One man's "retarded" is another man's genius. I actually thought his post was hilarious. That Waaaaambulance image was among the best he's ever posted.

No, this other one I thought up was way too long:
The Return of the Devil Goblins From Neptune
Waaaaaaaaaay too long.

The Shadow Merger was actually two different serials I thought up that became one, like a lot of my serials. They were The Merging and Shadow Element. I try to make my names sound alien. Kelvehee sounded pretty alien (or Indian) to me.

Alternate Titles:
The Game
Never Trust Your Shadow
Extinction Event
The Doctor's Doppelganger
Last of the Hpi
In the Shadows
Subterranea
A Monster Among Us

Some of my other serials:
Attack of the Daleks
Nightmare Warp
Realm of the Cybermen
Planet of the Drashigs
Target: Zygon
Terror of the Antarctic
The Amazing Dream Heist (Aka The Kurramatis; Aka The Irish Horror)
Ancient Stowaway
The Mystery of the Maverick 10
Monster Hunt
The Scorched Planet (leads into following serial)
Vacation, All I Never Wanted
Sands in Time
The Ghost Mosaic (Aka Terror on Glacios)
Wrath of the Ghostwriter
The Fatality That is Death
Caught in the Middle
Clash of the Vogons
Time and the Zogons
Onslaught of the Titans
Mindmaze (Aka The Maze)
The Wirrn Experiment
The Catacombs of Yemu
Pinnacle
The Evasion of Death
And many, MANY more!

[James P.]

What happened to all the other peoples' posts!? They're gone!

[Josef Kenny]

Yeah, posts do that. One minute they're there, and the next minute? Pop.

[Danny Stewart]

One of my moderators moved them because they were off topic, I believe.

[Jez]

Correct. If you want to look at them, check "Forum Fun", "OT Posts" (thread should be locked).

I'm getting bored of every thread turning into an OT flame war and request all members to try and have at least some level of control over the content of their posts. It would also be nice for some members to be more civilised to others, lest they kill this place.

Now back on topic (omg ):

Quite an interesting concept but I agree with Danny that it does need more substance, simply to allow it to cover three episodes if anything (although that would on the episode length)!

Kelvehee sounds a bit Elder Scrolls-ish but it works for me; Moira definately needs a new name though.

[Danny Stewart]

Originally Posted by Jez

Correct. If you want to look at them, check "Forum Fun", "OT Posts" (thread should be locked).

I'm getting bored of every thread turning into an OT flame war and request all members to try and have at least some level of control over the content of their posts. It would also be nice for some members to be more civilised to others, lest they kill this place.

I agree. I've noticed it myself lately and it is getting a bit tiring. It makes me wonder if anything can be done to keep this place a bit more organized...

[Chris Britton]

Originally Posted by Danny Stewart

I agree. I've noticed it myself lately and it is getting a bit tiring. It makes me wonder if anything can be done to keep this place a bit more organized...

I've done a little bit of cropping and moving myself lately, although it's probably gone unnoticed which i don't mind. The last one I did was late last week when a topic went OT onto Marvel comics, so I split it and moved the comic related stuff into general discussion. I do agree with you Danny

[Danny Stewart]

Originally Posted by Chris Britton

I've done a little bit of cropping and moving myself lately, although it's probably gone unnoticed which i don't mind. The last one I did was late last week when a topic went OT onto Marvel comics, so I split it and moved the comic related stuff into general discussion. I do agree with you Danny

Thanks. Always appreciated.

[James P.]

Originally Posted by Jez

Correct. If you want to look at them, check "Forum Fun", "OT Posts" (thread should be locked).

I'm getting bored of every thread turning into an OT flame war and request all members to try and have at least some level of control over the content of their posts. It would also be nice for some members to be more civilised to others, lest they kill this place.

Now back on topic (omg ):

Quite an interesting concept but I agree with Danny that it does need more substance, simply to allow it to cover three episodes if anything (although that would on the episode length)!

Kelvehee sounds a bit Elder Scrolls-ish but it works for me; Moira definately needs a new name though.

Well, I'm sick of threads going that way, too. I seem to be seeing that it's usually RV that starts everything.

Moira is the official name of the companion. I cannot change it, write in a new one, anything. It grows on you after a while.

That's just an estimate, I never know how long my stories are. Ever. Maybe because I get bored after the 2nd paragraph or I don't like it. I thought of a new one recently, The X-Nirra Treaty.

More on that one later.

Thanks for the nice words.

[Recurring Villain]

Originally Posted by James P.

I seem to be seeing that it's usually RV that starts everything.

ie. RV makes the site awesome.

[Chris Britton]

Originally Posted by Recurring Villain

ie. RV makes the site awesome.

quoted for truth

[Jez]

Originally Posted by James P.

Moira is the official name of the companion. I cannot change it, write in a new one, anything. It grows on you after a while.

Ahh, I did wonder, lol. Bah well.

[Chris Britton]

Originally Posted by Jez

Ahh, I did wonder, lol. Bah well.

Everytime i think of Moira, X-Men is the first thing to come to mind.

[Ronnie Rowlands]

Originally Posted by Chris Britton

Everytime i think of Moira, X-Men is the first thing to come to mind.

But what about my dearly beloved?

[Chris Britton]

Shes a very good news presenter who was unjustly fired form the BBC.

[James P.]

TSM has been accepted because the script editor likes the idea of Kelvehee. But only the idea. I now have to make a new story around Kelvehee. God help me...

In response to RatSouffle's quote of the week 13-
RTD, you've already done that 2 times. What planet are you from? Oh, yeah! Moronopolis!